


all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

by remrose



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Book 3: The Burning Maze, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 02:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14511024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remrose/pseuds/remrose
Summary: Spoilers for The Burning Maze, from the perspective of Nico di Angelo."I thought I might see you." Jason said, calm and warm and tired, like they were meeting for coffee instead at his death in the Underworld.





	all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me

**Author's Note:**

> again, spoilers for the burning maze. seriously.

 

Nico was laughing, teasing by flicking the cow lick of Will's hair, Kayla and Austin goading him on, when suddenly the bottom of his stomach dropped out.

It was the worst possible lurch, like falling down a flight of stairs, or when an airplane swoops unexpectedly. It filled him with a deep sense of violation, telling him something in the universe was terribly, terribly wrong. And Nico hated the feeling, because it only meant one thing -- death.

His knees went weak, the force of it telling him that it was someone important. When he wavered, Will caught his elbow, the smile melting off his face as he saw how Nico's complexion drained to a sickly colour.

"Nico?" He said, exchanging worried glances with his siblings, who frowned back.

Shuddering a breath, Nico allowed the feeling to cement, allowed it to send his heart racing, his nerves trembling, and it told him what he didn't want to know. A sense of static electricity, purple, broad shoulders, notched lip, a smile, a hug--

_Jason._

Nico's shaking hands reached up and covered his mouth, and he shut his eyes hard, feeling emotion trembling like an ocean barely contained inside a cup. It wobbled, unsteady. A pained gasp escaped him as it became heart-breakingly clear -- Jason was dead.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" Will was standing close, head tipped down, gesturing one of his siblings away to get help. Nico shook his head frantically, opening his eyes and blinking hard to restrain the tears. He wasn't going to cry. It still might not be true. It couldn't be true. It couldn't.

"I-I have to go." Nico croaked out.

"What?" Will said, alarmed. "What? Where? What's wrong?"

He shook his head again. He couldn't say, not until he knew for sure. He needed to see. He never wanted to wrong so badly before in his life.

"I have to know if it's true." Nico said, and turned his head. There, behind the Apollo Cabin, was a thick shadow. He broke away from Will with jello-knees, and was gone in a swallow of darkness before Will could even finish calling out his name.

The cold sensation of shadow-travel was nothing compared to the ice that had encased his heart. He stumbled when he landed -- he was still recovering from the recent over-use of his powers, and the jump to the Underworld was probably a bit large. But he wasn't thinking about that.

Nico swore under his breath as he traced his way from the entrance down the path and across the river, hoping to not see Jason, but if he had to, he wanted to see him before it was too late.

Then -- there he was. Nico almost fell to his knees, seeing his familiar blonde hair, with dark blood running down the middle of his back, his arms, his legs -- he was facing away, posture straight despite the injuries, hands steady.

"Jason!" Nico called, voice cracking, and pushed through the others around him to get to Jason's side. He was in line, waiting his turn in the Judgement Pavilion. He was already past the River Styx -- there was no turning back.

Blue eyes met his, and Nico fought down the urge to cry like one wrestles a wild animal. Jason smiled when he saw him, a small, wry, painful thing.

"No." Nico said, wanting to fling himself at Jason, but he was a _spirit_ now. Instead he took a hunched stance directly in front of him. He swallowed against the rock lodged in his throat, and repeated, "No, no, no, _no_."

"I thought I might see you." Jason said, calm and warm and tired, like they were meeting for coffee instead at his death in the Underworld.

"What _happened?_ " Nico yanked on his own hair, looking at Jason desperately, as if there was any way he could change it now. But he knew better than anyone -- it was too late. It was far too late. Nico thought about how he hadn't talked to Jason in months, due to the down communication lines. He had no clue how it got to this point.

Jason shrugged. "It was me or her. It's okay, Nico. It's alright."

"It's not alright." Nico said, voice wobbling dangerously. "This is the farthest thing from alright."

His scarred lip quirked, though it wasn't a happy smile. "It'll be okay."

"Stop consoling me, you're the one who's _dead._ " Nico said, and it felt like the rock was tearing his vocal cords apart, eyes stinging madly. "Jason, you..."

"I know." Jason reached out, and put his hand on Nico's shoulder. He could almost pretend he could feel his calloused grip. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I made you stay, and now I'm the one going."

Nico's throat sewed itself closed, and he barely managed, "I don't want you to go."

Jason ducked his head, glancing behind him, as the line moved up. He chewed on his lip, and said, "Will you tell Piper it's not her fault? And tell her as many times as she needs for it to sink in."

Sniffing hard, Nico nodded, even though he didn't want to. He wanted to say, tell her yourself. But he knew that wasn't an option anymore.

"And tell her I hope she enjoys Oklahoma. And then maybe again that it's not her fault."

"Okay." Nico croaked, hugging himself with shaking arms. He hated this part. He kind of wished he had a pen.

"Tell Percy and Annabeth that I love them. And that they're not allowed to name any of their kids after me. Don't be Harry Potter, it's weird."

Nico choked on a laugh, and Jason's hurting smile widened just a little more, just a touch more genuine.

"Tell Thalia I love her and I'm sorry. Tell Reyna and Hazel and Frank and all of the Romans and the campers that I'm proud of them." He paused, and scrubbed a hand over his ghostly face. "Tell Leo I love him, and I'm not mad, I'm just happy he's okay."

Nico tried very hard not to think about the fact that Leo likely did not get to see Jason again. "I will, I promise."

"And you." Jason released a breath, and it shuddered, finally showing some lack of composure in his damn steady calm. "Are you happy?"

Nico said, hands flexing at his sides, "Well, I _was._ Before this."

"You'll be happy again." Jason said, surety like the rise of the sun. "I want you to be happy. If you take nothing away from our time as friends, take that at least. Please."

"You're a loser." Nico could barely talk, grief clouded his lungs like poison. "I take so much more from our time than that."

"You can do it." Jason smiled, and now his voice was wobbling too. "I know you can."

The line moved up again. Jason blinked hard, blue eyes glossy, glancing at the pavilion behind him again.

"I can't believe this is happening." Nico heard himself say, and Jason turned back, this time planting two ghostly hands on his shoulders.

"I've been training to die my whole life." Jason said, measured. "Don't worry about me."

Then he hugged Nico, and it shouldn't have worked, but Nico clung to what he could feel, squeezing his eyes shut and pretending it wasn't goodbye, even as tears broke and fell down his face in twin streams.

"What are you going to choose?" Nico rasped, trembling hard, unwilling to let go. Jason made no move to do so either.

He hummed, then Jason said, "I think I'll try again. Maybe I'll get past seventeen this time."

A sob punched through Nico's chest, hard and painful, and he couldn't bear it. He couldn't stand it. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too. I'll miss you all." Jason's voice broke, and they called for him. It was his turn.

Nico didn't let go. But Jason did, stepping back in his wisping ethereal form. He smiled, one last time. "Bye."

"Bye." Nico whispered. And Jason stepped onto the platform, tall and blonde and bleeding and only _seventeen._ Nico did not look away until his friend was gone, reborn, though it was hard to see through the tears that would not stop.

The Underworld was not where he wanted to be. He didn't stop to see his father, and he didn't stop to rest even though he should have, given how much power he'd used. By the time he managed to shadow-travel back to Camp Half Blood, he was partially a ghost himself, his fingernails smoky and translucent.

Nico managed two steps before he fell, gripping the railing beside him. He was outside his own cabin, and he lowered himself to the wooden porch. He buried his face in his hands, unable to go any further, and cried so hard it hurt.

Less than a minute later, quick footsteps ran up the steps, and a palm laid on the middle of his back, as he jerked with sobs. "Nico?" Will said, his voice concealing his panic, leaning close.

"He's dead." Nico replied, not moving his hands from hiding his eyes.

Will glanced up at someone, footsteps in front of them, the number growing. Will swallowed hard, and asked in a small voice, "Who's dead?"

"Jason."

Gasps, murmured voices, and Will's own sharp inhale beside him. He wove his arm around Nico back, hugging from the side, and he said, "Oh no, oh _no."_

Nico turned and pressed his face into Will's shoulder, and his burning eyes crying all over his scrub shirt. Then he said into the fabric, "Can I have a pen?"

Will snapped his fingers over Nico's head, and said to someone, "Pen please."

A pen was produced, and a small notebook. Kayla was wringing an arrow in her hands, and asked, "What for?"

"I need to write down what he said." Nico said seriously, sitting up and wiping irritably at his salty face as he scribbled it down fast. He didn't want to forget.

Will reached out and touched the pinky finger of Nico's left hand, and then gestured again to the group in front of them. "Kayla, get Chiron, and Austin, bring me a stretcher. He's fading."

"I'm alright." Nico said, almost viciously, because he was still alive. His pen tore a hole in the notebook paper and he scowled.

"Sure." Will replied, not fazed at all by his tone. "Why don't you just humour me, then?"

Nico stared at his shaky handwriting, eyes pricking with more unwanted tears. But Jason's cracking voice reminded him that he wanted him to be happy. Damn him.

"Fine." Nico said, swallowing hard. He let Will fuss over him, and thought to himself, _you made Percy and Annabeth promise, not me. My firstborn is going to be Jason Grace and there is nothing you can do to stop me._

It wasn't funny, but he smiled a little anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really unhappy, and would prefer to pretend that the events of the book never happened. but then this flew from my fingers as if i was possessed. so here you go, i guess.


End file.
